HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
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> 1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
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> 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
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> 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
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> 4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
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> "Bubba,
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> Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer.
> Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls.
> They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.
> I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
> Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
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> Better wait outside. Be right back.